It’s still painful, really painful.

Can’t get over the fact that rn we’re ‘best friends’. Ever heard the saying that ‘if two people in a r/s are still friends even after they break up, either they were never in love or they still are.’ So what are we? It was obviously hurting you but why must you still do it, all for the sake of me? My heart hurts when you cry and yet put on that strong front just to make sure I’ll be okay. It hurts more than anything. Why can’t you spare a thought for yourself? Why? It’s so hard for me to let go. Just the thought of it makes my heart hurt so badly.

“even without me, you must promise me to be happy, and to hang out more with your friends.”
Please tell me, how do I even be happy without you? I’ve been trying to be happy, especially infront of you just to show you that I dont really care and to not make people worry(not like anyone would) but i am really tired of this. When I see you, i feel like breaking down. I feel so lost. Without you.

I am honestly so so so so so disappointed.

I never thought you would give up on us. Never. I truly loved us, and I have never been so serious about a r/s before. But yet you chose to give us up. On the context of not wanting to hurt me further because you don’t want me to fall for you any deeper. You made me fall for you and now you are telling me you don’t want to catch me. I don’t know where do I go from here. I just feel lost. It’s been almost a year and all of a sudden, ‘poof!’ There goes my boyfriend. In the past you promised you would never hurt me like the rest. And on tuesday you said you don’t want to hurt me. And yesterday you sent a million daggers through my heart. Do you know how hurting it was? You say this is for the best, that you don’t want to hurt me because you think we won’t last after o’s. But honestly, you’ve hurt me so badly. So badly. Why don’t you have faith in us? I sacrificed so much for us, and so did you. So why are you giving up?

“i hope you’ll find someone better than me.” Hah screw this. I’m never going to enter a r/s anymore. I don’t think I can possibly fall in love with anyone else because the hurt I’m experiencing now, i don’t ever want to experience again. You are sad? Oh, try crying the whole night and tell me how it feels like. Try rereading our messages over again and tell me how you feel. Try thinking about all our memories together. Try waking up with the shittiest eyes,swollen and all. Try waking up, hoping that everything was just a nightmare but getting crushed by the fact that we’re not together anymore.

You’ve ruined me. I loved you so bad and now I can’t even bring myself to hate you. I wish I could hate you.

So damn afraid to lose you to her again.

So many questions I wanna ask but no, I don’t have the courage to..